This is What Keeps Me Up at Night

I have always been in control. 

Driving is when no one questions me, bothers me, I am alone with gravel roads and fading headlights in the dark. 

I wasn’t alone last night, and I don’t know if that makes it safer or scarier. 

A missed corner in a thunderstorm, a deep ditch, rain and rain and more rain pelting the roof. Three inches away from a light pole. Three. Inches. 

Between needing a tow and needing an ambulance. 

I’m scared for the “what if’s” that couldn’t occurred if I had been alone. 

I’m scared I wouldn’t have pulled the wheel the way that I did. The hood would’ve crumpled, and I would be more than just stuck. 

I talk about dying an awful lot for someone who wants to live. 

I remember staring through the pouring rain at those street signs. 

At how close I was to where I never want to be.

 

3/30/17 KMA

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